It might look to you that whenever you say “Freedom of choice”, it’s about the last moment: “Should I eat, right now, this unhealthy but tasty food?”, or “Should I stay late and have fun, or be a party pooper, but have a good night’s sleep?”. Things like that – the last moment, when you make the final decision.

“Oh, if only at time X I had chosen a different path …”.

But, to me, the freedom of choice is mostly not on short-term, but on long-term acts.

If at the end of the day you make a poor decision, there were some factors leading to that decision:

• Perhaps you slept poorly the previous night;
• Perhaps you ate something that day which you are aware generally is not good for you;
• Maybe you generally make poor decisions in the evening, but you keep ignoring the signs;
• (that’s tough!) How about that instead you train yourself in focusing on the long-term, you tend to want instant gratification; instead of working hard, you choose the easy path; instead of committing to the long-term, you focus on the “now”; that’s an important observation, which is mostly ignored – “what made me, at moment X, make the decision, based on habits I reinforced again, and again?”.

The most important observation of this blog post is that long-term decisions affect a lot of short-term decisions. If you’re aware of a poor habit and ignore it, you take some risks. Whenever the risks happen to actually lead to a bad situation, the problem is not only that at that specific moment you took a poor decision, but the fact that you had a long-term habit, which you kept on ignoring.

Most of the time, when people analyze a situation, they focus on just the last bit. If I take a poor grade on an exam, I’ll look at the time of the exam – “Oh, I took a C because I missed just the part which was chosen for the test”. How about you look at a more situation: “I could have slept better in the last year; I could have focused on reading more on the courses; I could have joined a learning group; I could have read extra materials on the subject; I could have written on the matter, so I would have made more associations”.

Why is focusing on the long-term helpful? Because it leads to better habits, and, to me, these are more important than sprints. You can sprint for one good grade on an exam, but it matters more if you can commit to a marathon of lifelong learning.

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I got at least one idea by listening to Despre relațiile din copilărie și cum să menții pacea în cuplu, cu Paul Olteanu și Alexandra Irod – YouTube (RO):

• (not an exact quote, of course) Posting lots of things on social media, being very careful to the reactions I get, putting emphasis on analytics on social media might mean that I have a desire for more attention from others.

It happens to me a lot. I used to reply to pretty much all emails/comments. Now, I do so but to a lesser degree.

I used to be very upset when someone wrote something bad online about me. Now, I tend to control it better.

I used to post a lot of things on social media, now – I still do so, but on other means (blog, Google groups).

What’s the solution? Posting fewer things? No, I do it for multiple reasons, not only for personal satisfaction.

Not caring about a message someone sends to me? I don’t think that’s very OK. Sure, if it’s a SPAM/very aggressive message, I can choose to ignore it. But for a general message – I will generally choose to reply, even though now I understand there are some underlying reasons.

What I need to work on is the general image I make in my mind whenever I get an aggressive message. Right now, it’s not that pleasant.

More than this, I need to place myself in the world better. I wrote about this in the past (1, 2, 3). I still need to fix some things in there.

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You can’t be fearless. Avoiding fear 100% is, in my opinion, not only impossible but also undesirable. But one can fear less.

The acronym “F.e.a.r.” (False Evidence/Expectations Appearing Real) comes to mind whenever I talk about fear.

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Via a great online course (“The Science of Well-Being” by Yale University | Coursera) I found out a definition of savoring:

Savoring = The act of stepping outside of an experience to review and appreciate it. (via »)

I tend not to savor things a lot. I’m always in a hurry, pretty much whatever I do. When I walk, I let my mind wander. Whenever I eat, I think of something else. When I work, I listen to something in the background. Whenever someone speaks, sometimes I think of something to say back, instead of being at the moment.

Some drawbacks:

• Eating fast can, as far as I know, lead to weight issues;
• I eat, from time to time, things I really enjoy, great food, nice food, wonderful food; but if I eat it fast, I enjoy it less;
• Letting your mind wander can lead to creativity, but, all-in-all, it’s not so good for productivity;
• Sometimes, the acronym “F.e.a.r.” (False Evidence/Expectations Appearing Real) comes to mind; I tend to think of things that might happen, and this sometimes leads to anxiety;
• Although I can be more productive, I feel life passes by; and I’m not that fine with this.

What to do? Concrete steps:

• Eat slower;
• Focus your mind at the present mind;
• Avoid letting my mind wander;
• Expect the positive; placebos work;
• Give it some time; don’t always focus on 100%; leave some things for tomorrow; allow some things to just go by.

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