Non-practice

I enjoy watching some comedies, but I generally prefer a movie that gives me more emotions than just laughter.

I tend to look at life critically. I do my best to be an optimist, but generally, I think I’m cynical at some points.

There’s a balance, as in everything – you let yourself go, or you put boundaries.

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Problems arise. It’s inevitable, it’s part of life.

Two big options to look at a problem:

• Why did it happen? It got so wrong. Everything is bad. Fix this! Avoid this!
• What can I do in the future to avoid this? What is my part’s problem from the issue?

There’s a general tendency to look at the past. It’s so easy to look at the past and say “I would have done it better.”.

But this is hardly in your control, and you avoid taking lessons from the mistake.

If you keep complaining, “life is hard, you did wrong there, it was your fault, I don’t like life”, you miss a lot of opportunities.

It’s much better too look for things to do from now: “what did I do wrong and I want to fix for the future? What was my fault in the issue, and how can I prevent it from now? What is a lesson from this, and where should the next step be?”

“It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.” ― Yogi Berra

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. – Søren Kierkegaard

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I recently listened to a podcast in which this topic came up: Mircea Cărtărescu A Dat Autografe Timp De Cinci Ore La Madrid! | Libertatea. (perhaps, a different location)

There are places online you can buy books with autographs.

I once read a book by Gala Galaction (“La răspântie de veacuri“) (hope I’m not wrong with the reference) in which one character was supposed to meet a famous person, an author.

The character declined, saying something on the line of – “I want to meet this person when I have something similar to show.

I asked for a few autographs, mostly for books that were meant for other people.

But, generally, I avoid asking for autographs. I value the time of the author too much.

I think the author’s time would be better spent doing other things than signing books.

To keep Mircea Cărtărescu for hours just signing books is not how I view a time well spent.

In my opinion, when a famous person signs an autograph, they let you know “look, we are on the same level, you and I are the same, and, by giving an autograph, I testify for this”.

At the end of the day, there’s just a small, tiny, little problem – you are not at the same level as the author.

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Years ago, I was part of the CHiP Forum Romania. (Now the website doesn’t exist.)

At some point, there was a talk about the USA’s invasion of Iraq.

People kept saying, as if it was the most natural thing in the world – “the politicians are lying about the real reasons for the invasion of Iraq. It’s mostly about oil, but they can’t say it bluntly”.

At that point, I was shocked. I used to believe the public agenda, and it was shocking to hear an opposing view.

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“It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.” ― Yogi Berra

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“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

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An important part of my job is about giving feedback to others.

Some people reply to my feedback, giving feedback to my feedback.

I think it’s a poor solution for two reasons:

• It prolongs a negative state. Giving constant feedback for a few hours at a time puts me in a negative feedback loop. When I read someone else’s feedback on my feedback, that negative state is prolonged. For the customer, when they read, in about an hour or so, my feedback, they get into negative feedback. If they reply to my feedback, they put themselves in an even more negative state.
• Another reason is that it generally tends to increase the reasons for not solving things – “Oh, I can’t do this”, “Oh, life is hard”, “Oh, but there are obstacles”. Writing about problems, difficulties, and reasons not to do something actually increases your chance of not taking any action on my feedback.

So, how should one respond to feedback, in my opinion?

• Either implement or reject. You can implement today, you can postpone, you can keep it for further analysis at a later stage, or you can simply dismiss my solution. This is a valid solution.
• Another option? Don’t tell me “I can’t do this, because of reason X”. Instead, frame your assertion like a question: “Hmm, your feedback is valid, but as I see it, the implementation is difficult for reasons X, Y, and Z. What do you think about it?”. If you ask for feedback, I will tell you my reasoning for which I gave the initial feedback and help you overcome the obstacles. If you tell me “Life is hard,” I say a polite sentence, then ignore you.

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I’m not entirely sure, but I think Mihnea Măruță said something like:

“Politician X didn’t know how to keep a woman close to him for X years”.

Some people do couples therapy. One way to promote themselves is by saying they have been married a lot of times.

I think increasing the number of marriages also increases the number of divorces by a single person.

I’ve seen someone valuing marriages & relationships – if you don’t show enough vulnerability to be in a relationship, you might not be trustworthy.

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I heard this thing many years ago, it stayed with me:

• Women open up, show vulnerability, and admit to mistakes. After they do this, other women tend to protect and care for that wound, treating it with care.
• Men toughen up, never show vulnerability or mistakes. If they do this as an exception, other men attack and use the weakness against that person.

Initially, the person who told me about this told it in such a way that the woman’s behavior and solution are optimal. In my opinion, the optimal behavior is this:

• Open up like women, and use the weakness against the person, like men.

I think opening up an issue and then being confronted with it, being mocked about it, seeing it repeatedly, has the option of making one more powerful. Tougher, if you want.

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This is important – why do good?

For one important reason, which tends to be overlooked – for the good itself.

Do good because it’s OK & nice & kind & best & top to be good.

This is why you should do it.

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