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Preston Ni: “One effective way to de-personalize is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, even for just a moment” (Psychology Today)

Preston-NiBeing mindful about the nature of aggressive, intimidating, and controlling people can help us de-personalize the situation, and turn from being reactive to proactive.

One effective way to de-personalize is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, even for just a moment. For example, consider the offender you’re dealing with, and complete the sentence: “It must not be easy…”

“My friend is so aggressive. It must not be easy to come from an environment where everyone was forced to compete…”

“My manager is really overbearing. It must not be easy to have such high expectations placed on her performance by senior executives…”

“My partner is so controlling. It must not be easy to have grown up in a family where he was told how to think and act in every way…” (How to Successfully Handle Aggressive and Controlling People | Psychology Today)

pumpkincat210 – super macro pearls and eyeshadow,

Rank Tracker SEO tool review – part of SEO PowerSuite

In the current blog post, I’ll review Rank Tracker software from SEO PowerSuite, a company which provides all-in-one SEO software & SEO tools. I will also look at the other 3 components of SEO Power Suite.

SEO PowerSuite covers every aspect of an SEO campaign. It has software from rankings to on-page to backlinks.

First, let’s talk about Rank Tracker.

How does it work? Rank Tracker checks Google and Yahoo! rankings for the keywords you set it to.

You need to first setup a campaign, and some software options, and from time to time to run the software. It’s always running on your machine, not on servers, so it’s not cloud-based, but in your machine. Each time you need to update the rankings, you need to run the software. It goes pretty smoothly after the first runs, you will get used to this.

Some features:

  • You can compare your web sites to your competitors.
  • You can make it emulate human searches, so you won’t get banned by search engines.
  • You can setup external proxies, to check up without risking blocking by search engines.
  • You can create personalized and professional reports for your customers.
  • You can connect Google Analytics, Google AdWords and Google Search Console, to pull up more data from these services and integrate it in a single place.
  • They do very often software updates, so you always have the most recent engine of the software.
  • You can check more than a single domain.
  • Compatible with all the major search engines.
  • Keep track of historical evolution.
  • Good price for value.
  • I got good results with my clients when using it for a few years.
  • For what it does – checking rankings on your computer, not in the cloud, and keeping rankings, I think it’s the best in industry.
  • It has a good user experience.
  • You can set it to run based on a schedule.
  • It can save data in the clouds, on your own Dropbox account or on SEO Power Suite servers.

Let’s take it step by step, with more details.

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BSPlayer subtitles

Let’s say you download a movie from the Internet, and in that folder, you have two files: filename.avi and Let’s say for download you’ve used a program which doesn’t allow you to rename files. If you download another subtitle from the Internet, whenever you play the movie, the has priority.

How to automatically open the subtitle, without deleting the original subtitle, and without copying the movie in a new location?

Simple – rename you new .srt file into filename.sub. BSPlayer will give that new subtitle a higher priority, even if the format of the file is .srt.

My soul

When I was little, I was raised by an aunt very free, no restrictions, from time to time left alone, until I was 3. After that, I was raised from 3 to 18 years in Năvodari.

During this passage from Pîrjol to Năvodari, I kept in me a wish for freedom (and loneliness), which is a basic emotion in me.

When I was at Năvodari, I had a feeling that in order to be loved, you need to behave as a good kid. I was raised differently at Pîrjol, where no matter what I did, I was still loved.

Where this thing lead to? I preferred to be without love, rather than without freedom. So I remained non-loved (this was my feeling, with the persons in Pîrjol far away from me, and the persons in Năvodari not close), but free, rather than loved and with rules.

My system of values is based on two things:
1. I am free, I can do whatever I wish, I break things, I’m a hero, I sacrifice myself, I give away everything, I have no rules.
2. I don’t love myself and I cannot love others, because I don’t have a system to position myself to the family.

The view from space of my childhood is the following: I was raised by an aunt + uncle in Pîrjol, Bacău, laughter, happy, loved, spoiled, well treated, until I was 3. At 3 years coming to Năvodari, Constanța, mother, father, loved, raised well, appreciated.

The reality in my heart is not the child within me. The child with me woke up when he was 3 years old, taken from Paradise and set on a road to follow rules to be loved / comparisons with the calm brother. I wanted to be be loved and I had to follow rules.

There is alomst no relation between the external look and what I discover within myself.
1. There is a context in which I am free, happy, I do what I wish. I am somewhere in here. God is in here, too.
2. There is another context in which I tried to build love, and, in this situation, there is the love of my aunt, unconditioned and continues. Following that, the conditional love of my mother. From this puzzle, there are some missing pieces.

I remember I was very afraid when I was little at night, I almost always had nightmares. In recent years, less so frightening, but, still, I had dreams with worries. In most of my dreams I worry. Almost everything I dream, I dream with worry. I have little to no calm dreams.

Why? Because I don’t feel loved, and my life is not a quiet and serene peace in which emotions occur, but there is a continuous noise (the non-love, painful as it is, towards me and others). This noise covers everything.

Why do I need to make jokes, a lot? I start from the premise that, in the relationship with someone else, that person doesn’t love me / appreciate me. But, when a person laughs, that person becomes vulnerable, it is a little sacrifice which makes you look silly in front of others. It’s an open heart. Someone told me that this doesn’t mean that, automatically, I build a relationship with that person. Perhaps, but to me it’s “good enough”.

The constant noise stops when I make someone laugh, and that person becomes vulnerable. Even if it’s not towards me, and I don’t have a relationship, it’s my own method of validation – laughter.

If I will manage to stop the powerful noise, I can hear the jazz. I can sleep without worries. I can listen to jazz. I can watch Tarkovsky.

My process of having models in life and people to lookup to is because there is no quiet life, in which I can build regular emotions, but only up and downs, and I’m either high (compared to most people) or low (compared to models). I’m never at the same level.



When I was in the UK, I thought about a long-read thought of someone else on a Yahoo! Group: Romanians are more cynical than Westerners, in general.

Is this good? It depends. If you take a cynical person and put it in an environment where everybody else is positive and warm, from that person’s perspective, things are fine. But for the society? Might be, might be not.

What if all society is made from cynical persons? I think things are not, in this case, good for anybody.

How about a situation in which all persons are positive? I think it will do good.

It’s a prisoner’s dilemma at its best.

PS: Adrian Stanciu once said that in Sweden the half-socialist State and its measures work because in there everybody works for the good of the society, as a whole. No cynism, instead goodwill and trust in all.



Best solution for saving the planet

Consume less. Despite the fact that there are solutions for consuming less », the best solution is not consuming in the first place.

If you go to Rome, it’s best to be as Eco / Nature-Friendly as you can, by choosing the best travel option for the environment, and so on. But had you skipped the trip altogether, you probably would have been more Eco-friendly.

Mark Stevens - Mount Rundle and Vermillion Lakes (Black & White),
Mark Stevens – Mount Rundle and Vermillion Lakes (Black & White),

How to enter the sea, when it’s a bit cold, and you’re a bit hot from the Sun?

Imagine this: you go to the seaside, you’re a bit hot from the Sun, while the water is a bit cold. How to enter?

After some practice, I found out that the best solution for this is to first enter the water quickly, close to the shore, lower yourself into the water so that you are fully wet, and go outside. Stay in the sun & wind for a while, and you’ll feel very cold. Stay like this for a minute or two. Go back to the sea. Now you will not feel the sea as cold as before.
Frank Knaack,