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My soul

When I was little, I was raised by an aunt very free, no restrictions, from time to time left alone, until I was 3. After that, I was raised from 3 to 18 years in Năvodari.

During this passage from Pîrjol to Năvodari, I kept in me a wish for freedom (and loneliness), which is a basic emotion in me.

When I was at Năvodari, I had a feeling that in order to be loved, you need to behave as a good kid. I was raised differently at Pîrjol, where no matter what I did, I was still loved.

Where this thing lead to? I preferred to be without love, rather than without freedom. So I remained non-loved (this was my feeling, with the persons in Pîrjol far away from me, and the persons in Năvodari not close), but free, rather than loved and with rules.

My system of values is based on two things:
1. I am free, I can do whatever I wish, I break things, I’m a hero, I sacrifice myself, I give away everything, I have no rules.
2. I don’t love myself and I cannot love others, because I don’t have a system to position myself to the family.

The view from space of my childhood is the following: I was raised by an aunt + uncle in Pîrjol, Bacău, laughter, happy, loved, spoiled, well treated, until I was 3. At 3 years coming to Năvodari, Constanța, mother, father, loved, raised well, appreciated.

The reality in my heart is not the child within me. The child with me woke up when he was 3 years old, taken from Paradise and set on a road to follow rules to be loved / comparisons with the calm brother. I wanted to be be loved and I had to follow rules.

There is alomst no relation between the external look and what I discover within myself.
1. There is a context in which I am free, happy, I do what I wish. I am somewhere in here. God is in here, too.
2. There is another context in which I tried to build love, and, in this situation, there is the love of my aunt, unconditioned and continues. Following that, the conditional love of my mother. From this puzzle, there are some missing pieces.

I remember I was very afraid when I was little at night, I almost always had nightmares. In recent years, less so frightening, but, still, I had dreams with worries. In most of my dreams I worry. Almost everything I dream, I dream with worry. I have little to no calm dreams.

Why? Because I don’t feel loved, and my life is not a quiet and serene peace in which emotions occur, but there is a continuous noise (the non-love, painful as it is, towards me and others). This noise covers everything.

Why do I need to make jokes, a lot? I start from the premise that, in the relationship with someone else, that person doesn’t love me / appreciate me. But, when a person laughs, that person becomes vulnerable, it is a little sacrifice which makes you look silly in front of others. It’s an open heart. Someone told me that this doesn’t mean that, automatically, I build a relationship with that person. Perhaps, but to me it’s “good enough”.

The constant noise stops when I make someone laugh, and that person becomes vulnerable. Even if it’s not towards me, and I don’t have a relationship, it’s my own method of validation – laughter.

If I will manage to stop the powerful noise, I can hear the jazz. I can sleep without worries. I can listen to jazz. I can watch Tarkovsky.

My process of having models in life and people to lookup to is because there is no quiet life, in which I can build regular emotions, but only up and downs, and I’m either high (compared to most people) or low (compared to models). I’m never at the same level.



When I was in the UK, I thought about a long-read thought of someone else on a Yahoo! Group: Romanians are more cynical than Westerners, in general.

Is this good? It depends. If you take a cynical person and put it in an environment where everybody else is positive and warm, from that person’s perspective, things are fine. But for the society? Might be, might be not.

What if all society is made from cynical persons? I think things are not, in this case, good for anybody.

How about a situation in which all persons are positive? I think it will do good.

It’s a prisoner’s dilemma at its best.

PS: Adrian Stanciu once said that in Sweden the half-socialist State and its measures work because in there everybody works for the good of the society, as a whole. No cynism, instead goodwill and trust in all.



Best solution for saving the planet

Consume less. Despite the fact that there are solutions for consuming less », the best solution is not consuming in the first place.

If you go to Rome, it’s best to be as Eco / Nature-Friendly as you can, by choosing the best travel option for the environment, and so on. But had you skipped the trip altogether, you probably would have been more Eco-friendly.

Mark Stevens - Mount Rundle and Vermillion Lakes (Black & White),
Mark Stevens – Mount Rundle and Vermillion Lakes (Black & White),

How to enter the sea, when it’s a bit cold, and you’re a bit hot from the Sun?

Imagine this: you go to the seaside, you’re a bit hot from the Sun, while the water is a bit cold. How to enter?

After some practice, I found out that the best solution for this is to first enter the water quickly, close to the shore, lower yourself into the water so that you are fully wet, and go outside. Stay in the sun & wind for a while, and you’ll feel very cold. Stay like this for a minute or two. Go back to the sea. Now you will not feel the sea as cold as before.
Frank Knaack,


How to take photos at an event? Some tips

A few tips on taking photos at an event:

  • Use the camera / smartphone from a high position. Try to raise your arms in the sky and photograph the audience like this.
  • The most important take – the one which shows the number of participants plus the speaker.
  • Another important shot is with zoom on the speaker, a close one.
  • I use ex-Google’s Picasa for editing the photos.
  • For promotional purposes, the most important task is tagging persons in the photos.
  • When you add description to an album, add the link to your web site, so people can get easily from the photo to your web site.
  • On Facebook, tag the location.
  • People want speed – do live photos and a quick follow-up. It’s not much help if you put the photos 3 weeks later from the event.
  • It’s fine to use live a wifi card, or photos from the smartphone.
Darren Johnson / iDJ Photography – Events,

Using Command Prompt’s “dir” command to display the contents of a folder

Let’s say you have a folder with files, and you want to save the full list of files in a text file.

The solution is to open Command Prompt (Win + R, cmd, enter), and type this:

dir /s /O:GNE >output.txt

This will result in the full contents of “Olivian Breda” folder being listed in the file “output.txt”, which is created if it doesn’t exist, and overwritten in case it already exists.

Do you want just the current folder, not the subfolders? Just remove “/s”.

dir /O:GNE >output.txt

Do you want the listing to be displayed on the screen, as opposed to in a file? Remove “>output.txt”.

dir /s /O:GNE


Fractals of Change: Why a Great Programmer is Worth Fifty Good Ones

Fractals of Change: Why a Great Programmer is Worth Fifty Good Ones:

If you’ve ever had a superstar working for you, you’re probably used to leaving him or her behind in the office when you go home – if you’re the CEO of a startup you don’t go home that early – and finding him or her in the office when you arrive.  If it’s a him, the stubble’s a giveaway; women cover up a little better.  A superstar prefers to work in at least twenty-four if not forty-eight or even seventy-two hour spurts.

Again, it’s the interfaces: it’s very expensive to put something down, go home, sleep, wake-up, and then recover all the loose ends. The first half of writing a program creates almost all loose ends; the second half is tying them back up.  Like surgery. If a programmer has the skill and physical stamina for marathon gulps of creativity, then there are many fewer times when the non-productive work of putting stuff away neatly (mentally) and picking it up again has to happen.  For similar reasons, one-person debugging is best done when you can crawl inside the code and stay there until you’re done.

Now, unfortunately, this kind of endurance is a young person’s game.

Héctor García – Programmer in the flow,