It may seem as counter-intuitive, but when you say:
- Hmm, I’m bad with computers.
- Hey, I’m clumsy.
- Mmm, I will do a poor job with this.
- Meh, I’m poor with emotions.
- Nntz, I’m short.
- Nah, I have a poor memory.
You actually do more harm than good.
Some observations:
- There are some physical things – you really are short. You really do have a poor memory (although, on some aspects, you may work upon, it’s a fact). Yet, presenting them upfront helps no one.
- For others, which can be improved, by saying a negative thing about yourself, you just create a framework for mistakes. “Oh, I told you I’m poor with computers, now I can click anywhere. Sure, I’ll delete, I told you I’m poor with computers”.
- By saying “I’m poor with …”, the person seems to give to the responsibility to the other party – “I told you I’m poor with emotions, why did you provoke me? It’s your fault!”
- Another thing which happens is that all eyes will be on this one. You may be as clumsy as any individual on this earth, but when you say you are, people will start believing this, they will treat you as such, and you will reinforce a belief which may be true or may be false.
- A lot of times, people won’t be able to act differently when you tell them such things. Even if you claim to have a poor memory, people won’t adapt their speeches towards you in order to include this. “Poor memory? OK, deal with it, it’s hard to remember everyone’s particular details”.
- It’s also a lack of initiative-taking. “Hmm, I will buy this printer, but you know, I’m poor with buying”. Everyone does some mistake or another. Buy that printer and face the consequences. Be better at buying printers than anyone will ever be just by trying to do better. I type poorly in English. I don’t know English language at an OK level. Yet, time is short, I can’t wait for the time to write the perfect blog post on the perfect blog. I write.
- When you say you are poor with something, you reinforce a belief, and things start happening the way you mean them to be. I don’t like objectives. I don’t like to wake up in the morning and say “Today, I will write 150 emails, 5 more than the previous day”. This is stupid and sucks. But I also don’t want to wake up with the exact opposite of setting targets, which is accepting a state as a given – “Hey, I’m a poor writer of emails, don’t expect anything from me”. I do. We do. The whole world expects you do better than yesterday. Be the better you, even if you don’t set targets. But also don’t set a target to zero.