Years ago, I was part of the CHiP Forum Romania. (Now the website doesn’t exist.)

At some point, there was a talk about the USA’s invasion of Iraq.

People kept saying, as if it was the most natural thing in the world – “the politicians are lying about the real reasons for the invasion of Iraq. It’s mostly about oil, but they can’t say it bluntly”.

At that point, I was shocked. I used to believe the public agenda, and it was shocking to hear an opposing view.

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“It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.” ― Yogi Berra

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“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

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An important part of my job is about giving feedback to others.

Some people reply to my feedback, giving feedback to my feedback.

I think it’s a poor solution for two reasons:

• It prolongs a negative state. Giving constant feedback for a few hours at a time puts me in a negative feedback loop. When I read someone else’s feedback on my feedback, that negative state is prolonged. For the customer, when they read, in about an hour or so, my feedback, they get into negative feedback. If they reply to my feedback, they put themselves in an even more negative state.
• Another reason is that it generally tends to increase the reasons for not solving things – “Oh, I can’t do this”, “Oh, life is hard”, “Oh, but there are obstacles”. Writing about problems, difficulties, and reasons not to do something actually increases your chance of not taking any action on my feedback.

So, how should one respond to feedback, in my opinion?

• Either implement or reject. You can implement today, you can postpone, you can keep it for further analysis at a later stage, or you can simply dismiss my solution. This is a valid solution.
• Another option? Don’t tell me “I can’t do this, because of reason X”. Instead, frame your assertion like a question: “Hmm, your feedback is valid, but as I see it, the implementation is difficult for reasons X, Y, and Z. What do you think about it?”. If you ask for feedback, I will tell you my reasoning for which I gave the initial feedback and help you overcome the obstacles. If you tell me “Life is hard,” I say a polite sentence, then ignore you.

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I’m not entirely sure, but I think Mihnea Măruță said something like:

“Politician X didn’t know how to keep a woman close to him for X years”.

Some people do couples therapy. One way to promote themselves is by saying they have been married a lot of times.

I think increasing the number of marriages also increases the number of divorces by a single person.

I’ve seen someone valuing marriages & relationships – if you don’t show enough vulnerability to be in a relationship, you might not be trustworthy.

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